the old woman who got stuck in the bath

The Old Woman Who Got Stuck In The Bath

There was this old woman who lived alone, in a 200 year old cottage built of stone., and sometimes she felt as old as the cottage itself
She suffered , as many old women do, from various aches and pains, which often made life miserable
Well, on this particular day, the old woman's aches and pains were more severe than usual, so she thought a hot bath might ease the agony in her shoulders and back.

Knowing full well that getting out of the bath was difficult, she still ran the hot water, and prepared to soak.

The hot water did its job well, and the aches and pains receded.

She pulled the plug and let out the water, in preparation for the task of emerging from the tub.

The bath itself was narrow, and old, with the porcelain finish scarred and pitted.
But there were paraplegic support rails around the walls, to assist with rising and standing up, ready to get out.

She grasped the support rails, as usual, and pulled herself upwards.
But as she did so, she heard a loud CRACK, and felt a very sharp pain in her chest.

Needless to say she fell back into the bath, with an intense degree of pain in her chest.

"Oh my God!" thought the old woman "Just what I needed! A heart attack in the bath, and no one to help me !"

She lay there for a while, gathering her strength, and waiting for the pain to recede a little.

Then she tried again. But oh ! the pain !

Now, everyone knows that porcelain baths are cold places, and of course the hot water was gone, so the old woman got steadily colder and colder.
"This wont do," she thought.

Then she spied the long handled back scrubbing brush, and using that, she managed to drag the discarded clothing to where she could reach it, and also the towels that were on the floor as bath mats.
She draped herself in all these oddments of fabric, and rested again. But her feet were really cold. So, using the brush again, she drew her slippers near enough to reach and managed to put them on.

And there she stayed.

The courier came, with a parcel, and went past the window, and she screamed at him, but he didnt hear.

She tried again to move herself in the tub, but the pain defeated her. And so it went on.

All through the afternoon, she lay there, thinking helples thoughts, and trying intermittently to get out.

Now, because it was a gloomy day, she had turned on the lights, and the oil heating was also running. so the general atmosphere was a reasonable temperature.

Night came. All night she dozed and woke and tried to escape but in vain.

At last it was morning, and the pain had eased considerably, so she tried again to move.

This time she changed tactics

Instead of trying to stand up, she tried to turn over onto her knees.

At last she managed it, and lay there on her face for a little while till her strength came back

Then, eventually, 25 hours later, she finally escaped from her white coffin - shaky, cold, in pain but quite pleased with herself.

First thought- something warm to wear

Second thought - something hot to drink ( remember no food or drink for 25 hours)

Third thought - bed, with electric blanket

Ah !!!! The relief !!!!!

Well, the next day she got a friend to take her to the doctor, who found that she had ruptured the cartilege ot the top of her breast bone, and That's all that was wrong!

A bit lucky, wouldnt you say?

Bruises of course, and body cramps from lying in one position for so long, but nothing serious

And there you have it - the story of the old woman who got stuck in the bath.

The moral of the story is, persuade the landlady to install a walk-in shower.

{She has agreed, She got stuck in the bath herself once }

Now, how's that for an epic saga ?

Definitely from a Madkiwi